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About Varied / Student Member Peyton21/Female/United States Recent Activity
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  • Mood: Overwhelmed
  • Listening to: Johnny Cash
  • Reading: The Shining/ Smoke Gets in Your Eyes/ Constantine
  • Watching: My cat chase a bug
  • Playing: Skyrim (Dawnguard)
  • Eating: Really crappy sushi
  • Drinking: Water
You heard that right! I'm going to CHINA of all places!

I recently went in to have a long, frank discussion with my program director to address my family and friends' concerns about me going to the Ukraine. The original plan was to get reassigned to Moscow or St. Petersburg, Russia, but after talking with the other program directors and the native coordinators and whoever else, they decided that probably wasn't a good idea either. I'll admit when they first sent me the email saying their final decision, I was seriously bummed out. I've been researching and studying Russia for years. I'm certainly not fluent, but I can at least speak a few "get me around town in one piece" sentences and I can read and write a couple of basic sentences in Cyrillic. Bottom line, I was PREPARED AS SHIT for Russia, man! It's a good thing I haven't ordered my parka and boots yet...

After discussing all of my other options (such as Mexico, Thailand, Dominican Republic, etc.) my rep decided China would be the best fit. I do not know the first thing about China. I'm totally clueless. Whatever knowledge I have, I've gained from watching like...Mulan and Anthony Bourdain. I don't know the first thing about Mandarin, I don't know jack about the current culture, nothing. I tried to learn some basic words last night and I'm drawing a blank. It's not often I'm totally stumped by a language, but I think Chinese takes the cake thus far. 

SO it's official. I'm moving to Weihai, Shandong, China for four months. Go big or go home I guess. From the little I've already read about this city, it's a spectacularly beautiful place. It's right on the coast, being situated on the very end of a peninsula and it's the closest port to South Korea (love love love South Korea. One day I'll see it myself). Apparently it's one of the cities with the cleanest air and beaches in China, it's known for having a bitchin' local seafood and homegrown vegetable farmer's market DAILY, and it's been awarded as: 

:bulletred: Most livable city in China
:bulletorange: First national hygienic/sanitary city 
:bulletyellow: First national garden city
:bulletgreen: China's first model of environmental protection
:bulletblue: First outstanding tourism city
:bulletpurple: Holder of the 2013 UN Habitat Scroll of Honor award

I've got my homework cut out for me, and right now I'm so excited and so terrified that I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't freaking believe I'm going there. It's so insane. If anyone has any tips about China, please please please let me know. 

www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77 <<<there's the link to my gofundme page if you're feeling generous. 

END 
  • Mood: Lazy
  • Listening to: The soundtrack from Frank
  • Reading: The Shining/ Smoke Gets in Your Eyes/ Constantine
  • Watching: My cat reprise her role as "El Destructo"
  • Playing: Skyrim (Dawnguard)
  • Eating: Some sort of fish I dunno
  • Drinking: Water
:bulletred: First and foremost I'm still alive and I'm in a slightly better headspace than I was last month. I did my best with the medication they prescribed for me, but it reduced my functioning to pretty much none amount. I couldn't drive, I couldn't work, and I felt like I was going to fall the fuck over and die at any moment. Instead I've opted to forgo a daily medication for now and instead have the Hydroxyzine on stand by as a safety net in case I freak the fuck out or something. 

:bulletorange: I am SO RELIEVED that the holidays are over! They went by a lot faster than I expected but that's awesome. I got a really nice suitcase and my mom crocheted me a bitchin' fox critter thing to follow me abroad. 

:bulletyellow: I FINALLY GOT MY ASSIGNMENT FROM ILP. About time too. Unfortunately we had some technical difficulties and by the time we got it sorted out they had filled my position in Vilnius. Instead I'm headed to Kiev, Ukraine! A little sketch maybe, but still cool nonetheless. They haven't had any security problems thus far despite all the goings on there, so I'm fairly optimistic. I've updated my GoFundMe page to reflect the changes. If anyone is feeling generous it'd be sweet if you'd donate. I've got just under six months to come up with $2,000. >>> www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77

:bulletgreen: Art is going to be sporadically posted if posted at all. My grandma's cat decided our tablet cable was delicious and ruined it. Traditional art might be a possibility if I can ever get around to drawing anything worth posting. Stay posted.

:bulletblue: Congrats to :iconrosemarri: on getting hitched a few days ago! I hope it was fantastic and I'm sorry we weren't able to pop by. All our best wishes!

:bulletpurple: I'm not really sure what to put under this bullet. It just seemed incomplete without the purple one.

END 
  • Mood: Dazed
  • Listening to: 21 Pilots
  • Reading: The Shining/Constantine/Carrie
  • Watching: Anthony Bourdain
  • Playing: New Vegas/ Skyrim/ Oblivion/ Sims 3
  • Eating: 9,000,000 year old Symphony Bar
  • Drinking: Water
I'm warning you all now, this is going to be a lot longer than I originally intended.

:star: My friends and family have been nagging me constantly for almost two years to go see a doctor. I've damn near perfected the art of simply blowing them off or down grading whatever had been bothering me just to get a little peace and quiet for a moment (I love you all btw, but shit man, well meant concern gets buggy after a while). I finally broke down over Thanksgiving weekend after experiencing pretty fucking terrifying panic attacks that would rattle me out of sleep every night at 4 or 5 AM for a week straight. More than once I seriously thought to myself "Oh god tonight's the night I finally die right here and now, hooray dead at 21 and that's that". I'd end up waking :iconzombitz: up after about 45 minutes of failed attempts to calm myself down (and subsequently making it worse), and seriously she's the best. I don't know how she does it, especially being half asleep in the wee hours of the morning, but without her I don't think that I'd be able to cope with my own panicky bullshit.

So I went to the damn clinic yesterday, though I must admit I heavily considered backing out multiple times in the mere 24 hours between calling and my appointment. He had  me pretty well diagnosed within 15 minutes of chatting despite me not really being open to chat about my issues. Despite my explicit request to not be medicated, he put me on a twice daily dose of Buspirone (knock off BuSpar) to address the near critical anxiety I just have all the time, and prescribed Hydroxyzine Pamoate as a sort of emergency (as my coworkers and friends have now so loving dubbed it) "Chill the fuck out" pill. He also wants me to seek the help of a therapist to pin point exactly what my problem is (because I have no fucking clue. I just woke up stressed out one day and never got over it), but that seems impossible as there's a shortage of counselors and shrinks in Utah, and the fact that I'm broke as shit. We'll see, I suppose. As for now I'm going to my best to power through the dizziness and nauseous bullshit these stupid pills give me and hope for the best. He says I need to stick with it for the next 4-6 weeks before I decide if it's working or not, and all I can hope is that I'm not all fucked up still on Christmas. I know my parents get upset to see me in such a shit nervous state all the damn time and I'm worried they'll be even sadder if I'm still as aloof and weird and anxious as I am now. 

Wanna know what the most messed up part of this whole thing is? I've been resisting getting help and treatment for my depression for so long because 1) The first two doctors I mentioned it to blew me off saying "All your issues are because you're fat. Lost X amount of weight and then we'll see how you feel, or pulled the "you're too young for that" card; and 2) I lost both of my very best friends back in Spanish Fork when I became depressed. I can't totally blame them. We were 11/12ish years old and none of us understood what the hell happened. It was like someone flipped a switch on me. One of them, last I heard, is still afraid of me and the other is on weird acquaintancey terms with me through Facebook and whatnot. All the friends I have now have never known me without my depression, and the newest ones to my circle don't know me as not being kind of pissy and grumpy and anxious. I'm absolutely terrified that these pills are going to fuck up what semblance of a personality I've managed to cultivate for myself over the years and they're all going to blow me off and leave because they can't deal with me anymore. I realize how fucked that sounds, but it's been a major fear of mine for a long time now. It would devastate me. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I love to death and would tear out my own kidney for if they needed it. Just the thought makes me sick. '

SO in the end, what I'm trying to say is: Please please bear with me. I don't know what the end of this little venture is going to turn out to be like and I don't know what my art and overall creativity is going to be like when these damn things finally level me out. I'm more anxious and terrified than ever, but I love you all.


:star: If anyone out there is keen on getting me a present or whatever for Christmas this year, I'm pretty simple: 
               :bulletgreen: A donation to my GoFundMe at www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77
               :bulletblue: Art of characters doing whatever you fancy, adult or general, I don't care.
               :bulletpurple: Something with a cactus on it. Or an actual cactus. CACTIIIIII.....

TL;DR: I'm a giant mess at the moment but it's under control and I'm okay. 

END
  • Mood: Anxious
  • Listening to: Mindless Self Indulgence
  • Reading: The Shining/Constantine
  • Watching: Hoarders
  • Playing: New Vegas/ Skyrim/ Oblivion/ Sims 3
  • Eating: Chicken sandwich
  • Drinking: Water
I've officially launched my GoFundMe page! I've only got 8 months to come up with my total fee, so if you're feeling generous I'd definitely appreciate the help! I will also greatly appreciate anyone who wants to share this around as well. I can't do it without you guys! Thanks again for all your support.



www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77


EDIT: The original link I used didn't work apparently. It should work now, but if it doesn't I would suggest just copy/paste or typing it out. Thanks again, and sorry for any inconvenience!
  • Mood: Overwhelmed
  • Listening to: Johnny Cash
  • Reading: The Shining/ Smoke Gets in Your Eyes/ Constantine
  • Watching: My cat chase a bug
  • Playing: Skyrim (Dawnguard)
  • Eating: Really crappy sushi
  • Drinking: Water
You heard that right! I'm going to CHINA of all places!

I recently went in to have a long, frank discussion with my program director to address my family and friends' concerns about me going to the Ukraine. The original plan was to get reassigned to Moscow or St. Petersburg, Russia, but after talking with the other program directors and the native coordinators and whoever else, they decided that probably wasn't a good idea either. I'll admit when they first sent me the email saying their final decision, I was seriously bummed out. I've been researching and studying Russia for years. I'm certainly not fluent, but I can at least speak a few "get me around town in one piece" sentences and I can read and write a couple of basic sentences in Cyrillic. Bottom line, I was PREPARED AS SHIT for Russia, man! It's a good thing I haven't ordered my parka and boots yet...

After discussing all of my other options (such as Mexico, Thailand, Dominican Republic, etc.) my rep decided China would be the best fit. I do not know the first thing about China. I'm totally clueless. Whatever knowledge I have, I've gained from watching like...Mulan and Anthony Bourdain. I don't know the first thing about Mandarin, I don't know jack about the current culture, nothing. I tried to learn some basic words last night and I'm drawing a blank. It's not often I'm totally stumped by a language, but I think Chinese takes the cake thus far. 

SO it's official. I'm moving to Weihai, Shandong, China for four months. Go big or go home I guess. From the little I've already read about this city, it's a spectacularly beautiful place. It's right on the coast, being situated on the very end of a peninsula and it's the closest port to South Korea (love love love South Korea. One day I'll see it myself). Apparently it's one of the cities with the cleanest air and beaches in China, it's known for having a bitchin' local seafood and homegrown vegetable farmer's market DAILY, and it's been awarded as: 

:bulletred: Most livable city in China
:bulletorange: First national hygienic/sanitary city 
:bulletyellow: First national garden city
:bulletgreen: China's first model of environmental protection
:bulletblue: First outstanding tourism city
:bulletpurple: Holder of the 2013 UN Habitat Scroll of Honor award

I've got my homework cut out for me, and right now I'm so excited and so terrified that I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't freaking believe I'm going there. It's so insane. If anyone has any tips about China, please please please let me know. 

www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77 <<<there's the link to my gofundme page if you're feeling generous. 

END 

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Indiana-Chems's Profile Picture
Indiana-Chems
Peyton
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
Indiana Chems is a full time student at Utah Valley University, former tattoo artist, and part time cactus enthusiast. She's deathly allergic to oranges and could eat guacamole every day if possible. One day she hopes to be a History professor in California.

www.gofundme.com/peytoncook77
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:iconrecklesscharge:
RecklessCharge Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fave! :)
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:iconindiana-chems:
Indiana-Chems Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
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:icondarkmidar:
Darkmidar Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you very much for the faves you gave me!:)
Happy coming year 2015!
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:iconindiana-chems:
Indiana-Chems Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2014  Student General Artist
You're very welcome! Have a happy new year as well!
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:iconsnashyle:
Snashyle Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for your :+fav:! :aww:
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:iconindiana-chems:
Indiana-Chems Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome! Thanks for the llama!
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:iconsnashyle:
Snashyle Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Don't mention it! :)
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:iconcatswire:
CatsWire Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fave! :)
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:iconindiana-chems:
Indiana-Chems Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
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Leek-art Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
wow! thank u for the fave!!!Bunny Emoji-77 (Melting) [V4] 
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